Flashbacks

This will be a section for flashbacks, short stories and memories from the program that may be particularly traumatic to the survivor.

32 Responses to “Flashbacks”

  1. BillBoyles Says:

    so i just had this memory of casa. does anyone remember how when you went to the bathroom and wiped you couldnt put it in the toilet, you had to put it in those nasty little trash cans next to the pot? so freaking gross. and how you couldnt go to the bathroom for like half an hour after you ate or something so if you were anorexic you couldnt go puke?

    Reply

    • Drew Says:

      one of my favorite Level 3 activities was work projects, collecting the garbage bags from the bathrooms, no gloves and throwing it out on the girls side. i once found a half drunk coca cola and downed that shit. scandalous! also got to check out the hot chicas in their dickies when throwing the trash out. taking out the trash was literally the best part of that place. how pathetic.

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      • Whitney Saunders Says:

        Hahaha omg that made me laugh!

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        • Fuck Casa Says:

          lol at the half drunk Coke. Anyone remember that fat fuck Franco? I ate a half eaten cadburry egg that piece of shit left in a garbage can. One of the lower points in my life. The problem is here I am after 15 years of trying to blot out my Casa memories but I still have real flashbacks. Does anyone else have the dreams where they’re back? Waking up is always a relief but it usually clouds up my whole day. What’s the story with all the fuck heads that ran the place? looks like Dace and the gang gave up online profiles around 2013. I would love to find some of the ole crew for some hands on therapy, I’m afraid that I’m never going to get over this til I see some blood and fear from that side of the program.

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  2. Rachel Says:

    They shaved my friends head and told my classroom that we were not to acknowledge her presence when she entered, or we would be punished. She had beautiful long hair before they de-humanized her. Also we would bleed on ourselves because we were not allowed tampons (we could kill ourselves with them). I remember waking up earlier than the rest and being taken outside with another girl to bleach our bloody underwear. The “Mother” walked aside to smoke and the other girl started talking to me (without permission) about how she wanted to die. I begged her to stay quiet because we would be punished if we were caught talking. She said “fuck it” and drank the bloody bleach water. She started choking and I was dragged away and put in worksheets. I never saw her again. Another girl tried to run through the big red doors when she was first put in the program. They shot her with a tranquilizer gun. She slept for 3 days. I miss the girls I was with at Casa but since we were never allowed to learn phone numbers or other personal information I have never seen or heard from any of them. My name is Rachel Tucker. I was there in 2004. I was in the Merit Family. You can find me on fb, Im from MI. I would love to reconnect with somebody, anybody. It feels like a strange dream now.

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    • Sherrie petty Says:

      I remember you…. I was your upper level quite often… My name is Sherrie petty…. Find me on facebook under Sherrie Rick!!

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    • Marie W. Says:

      Hi Rachel! I am from Michigan too! I know you wrote this on the WWASP site two years ago, but let me know if you get this. I am in the “I went to Ivy Ridge” group.

      Reply

    • Courtney Zobac Says:

      I was in merit with you! But I can’t find you on social media anywhere. Courtney Zobac

      Reply

  3. Meghan Black Says:

    My name is Meghan Black (now Baldwin) and I was in CCM ( C family ) in 1997, some of 1998 and then went to TB (Beamer family) as the first set of junior staff, went home and (predictably) tried to run as far from my family as I could but got re-kidnapped and sent back to TB (Alive family) until I graduated high school in 1999. I’m on facebook if anyone wants to reconnect.

    At the time I smoked like a chimney thinking “I was cool” so my clothes and hair stank. When I arrived I was stripped searched, given a uniform and sent to shower with a caustic delousing agent. When I finished my shower the staff said it smelled like I’d been smoking (I had not) and strip searched me again. When she didn’t find anything the second time she told me not only to squat and cough, but this time insert a finger in to my vagina to somehow prove that there wasn’t anything in there. I cried, refused and told her she couldn’t make me do it and I’d tell my parents but she very quietly and calmly explained that my parents clearly did not care because they signed all of their rights over to the school. She then grabbed my hand and started forcing it towards my crotch but I pushed off of her and fell backwards and found myself laying naked in front of her. At this point I just wanted out of that bathroom so I did it as she intently watched. This was my first night but by far not the worst over the next 2 1/2 years.
    To those I harmed myself, or allowed to be harmed and did not help: I am sorry.

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  4. Meghan Black Says:

    Bill, at TB we also had to ask for TP each time we went and were given a minimal amount for whatever you had to do (#1 or #2) and weren’t allowed to go to the restroom after eating either. Holding the diarrhea from under cooked goat for 30 min was painful!
    Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this site. You have brought me great comfort in knowing that I’m not alone.

    Reply

    • Bill Boyles Says:

      yeah we had to ask for TP in Paradise Cove, too (if there WAS any, which was not always guaranteed, in which case we had to use leaves)…but I think at Casa they had it in the bathrooms. Someone correct me if I’m wrong.

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      • Mike Rockwell Says:

        We would get two squares at first and only more if we absolutely needed it. I remember folding and folding until I would be wiping my ass with an inch sqaure clump of shit tickets.

        Reply

  5. Meghan Black Says:

    Oops! Corrections: I went from 1996-1998 and was in E family in CCM.
    Getting old is hell πŸ™‚

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    • Daria Brown Says:

      Meghan – do you remember me? My name was Daria Brockliss, now Brown. I remember you… glad to hear that you made it out and are doing decent in life. hope we can chit chat again. πŸ™‚

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      • Meghan Black-Baldwin Says:

        Daria! Of course I remember you! You actually wrote me a SCATHING letter when I was sent back to the program πŸ™‚ I’m so glad to hear you’re married and have a family. Are you on facebook? I’d love to catch up. I’ve found that I have very few memories from Cross Creek, for some reason (probably the trauma) everything a Tranquility Bay is easier to recollect.

        Reply

        • Daria Brown Says:

          I am on facebook – I am still technically married – i am not with my husband anymore – he got another woman prgnant several years ago and that was the end of that… and sorry about the letter – i was still in that program saved me bull shit stage… No offense to anyone else… but now that i am older – i know what really happened, and what we really experienced… Miss you and hope to talk to you soon! you can email to DariaM534@msn.com too

          Reply

  6. Melody Says:

    I was there June 2, 2001-Dec 14, 2001. Short time compared to many, yet long enough to do damage and make it through the basic 3 abusive seminars and graduate high school (who knows if it is a real diploma-college accepted it so too late now) ;-). I made level 4 in the shortest amount of time (Oct./Nov.2001), BUT was dropped within the first 4 days because someone claimed I picked my head up off the pillow after 10 p.m. So I decided to “sit” until I was pulled or turned 18. Luckily, when my mother was not receiving specific answers from me, she realized they were holding letters and the communication lines were not open to say the least.
    I also remember never getting to flush toilet paper, 5 minute showers in shifts (but it was always cold), having to look down “CHICOS” everytime a boy came over, nasty pasta with “alfredo sauce” but we all knew it was spoiled mayonnaise, sitting 5-8 hours on end with my hands behind my back and legs crossed staring at a wall in a classroom, not ever being able to speak english (unless you were LV3 and helping a newbie), midnight searches in freezing cold while standing in lines, lice infestataions, not being able to look out any window/sliding glass doors, or while waiting in line for food(they will think you have “run plans”), making sure I ONLY had 1 of anything an everything and if you run out…so sorry you cannot borrow or share and you have to wait to go to the “store” located in front office which they charge your parents a ridiculous amount for a simple bar of soap, shampoo, etc., running in circles tied by rope to other “familiy” members ankles, watching 30 minute videos at least twice a day and listening to cassette tapes during meals about networking, roladex, 10 habits of highly effective people and then having to write EVERY night 1. was about video ..2. was about this tape..etc. and then sharing to the “family” and case worker the next day. I could go on and on and unfortunately, I have tons of letters and 2 journals and the PROGRAM BOOK to support my claims. “Commit to the program” is all I can hear. Anyone remember Mama Ava???? If you do ..I feel your pain! Or do you you remember your cradle song from Focus(all survivors will know what I am talking about)???? The best memories I have are holidays…a few times a year parents can send almost anything program related like flip flops (like the jail ones), and candy/food.
    I am in contact with a few people, but I am looking for many many more. Again- check my dates and please contact me on FB.
    To all survivors, we all share something the rest of the world will probably never understand. I am now a mother and cannot imagine doing anything like this to my child, but I would not be who I am IF I did not go through this.
    XoXo

    Reply

    • Daria Brockliss-Brown Says:

      cradle song – still to this day remember mine. and my I am statement in Spanish and English. I just wanted to say that i really agree with the last paragraph.
      To all survivors, we all share something the rest of the world will probably never understand. I am now a mother and cannot imagine doing anything like this to my child, but I would not be who I am IF I did not go through this.

      thank you!

      Reply

  7. Krystal Says:

    CCM was a nightmare for me.. 1995-1999…. Watched and seem so many girls harmed by themselves n staff. Still don’t understand how this is legal?! Meghan Black.. I remember you πŸ™‚ I was a retread ther and after refusing the program twice sent home before I turned 18 .. I can’t say that the abuse mental and emotional and to so many physical does any good, only leading for all these young ppl to endure more pain and damage. It is sad that parents feel so helpless to gain control over their kids that they allow them to undergo abuse at hands n by the mouths of others. I could.go on wit memories however I have blocked them all out, it was a time in my life that I don’t care to remember.

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  8. Meghan Black-Baldwin Says:

    Krystal, If you LOVED Paul Mcartney, then I totally remember you! I hope you are well πŸ™‚
    My parents were horrified to find out what that place really was, but I’ve only told them a little bit at a time. I don’t want my Mom to feel too much guilt about it because I know she would not have sent me there if she knew the truth. Plus, they are not responsible for what WWASP did to myself and others. They were ripped off and lied to, paying way too much money for a worthless diploma.
    WWASP can’t possibly claim they care about my future:
    I have been trying to get my high school transcript for over a month to no avail. I have filled out the proper forms and paid the money but received nothing.

    Reply

  9. Anonymous Says:

    I attended both spring creek lodge and horizon academy and remember the horrible things I was put through. I alway had strong will and they could never break me even though they tried. I was tormented by the kids and the staff because I was a free thinker which was a crime in these facilities. I have mentally repressed a lot of it and can barely remember anything due to the amount of psychological damage I went through. I came back home with more resientment toward my mother, I’m 23 years old and cant stand even seeing her in the same room as me. I was not able to finish college and strongly blame that on these facilities because of their horrible teaching remedies. You teach yourself basically and their is no instructor. Thankfully the suffering I had to endure over a total of 24 months incarsiration in these institutes caused me to have a uncontrollable fire inside me. I made it my goal to financially surpass my parents and family by any means nessecary and did exactly that. I triple my fathers early earnings and own and operate my own businuess. I don’t contribute anything to my parents and haven’t spoken to my mother in 2 years. I’m currently getting married and my finances father is a well known businuess mogul. Things panned out nicely but not so nicely for my family who now hears about my current lifestyle and of course my mother still strongly believes my succes is due to her having me kidnapped. My advice to you kids and victims is work hard and take your hate and put it towards financial success and stability and then dump the parents who dumped you. Send them pictures of your gorgeous home and cars and love and hug your children. Kiss them and support them and raise them with love because ours didnt which is why we were a little troubled to begin with. As for the owners of these places they are slime and make money from tormenting children. I still hope to this day I bump into Mr. Jade or Mr. Chaffen as we used to call them so I can spit in their face. SUCCESS is the ultimate revenge, I sleep like a baby these days.

    Reply

  10. Anon Says:

    Way to go Anonymous! The best revenge is a good life. You are a shining example to all the other mistreated former (and current)”students” out there.

    Keep up the good work!

    Reply

  11. Arial wallschlaeger Says:

    My name is Arial I was 13 when u was sent away to Carolina Springs Academy and then was switched over to horizon academy in Nevada(death valley) they called it. I am still dealing with what I went through and I just turned 21… I now have a daughter and I can’t imagine doing that to her….I still have a shitty relationship with my mother and I still had a horrible teen life with being on drugs that my dad put me on and being raped more than once and in my home. I have been with my fiance for almost 5years and I still can’t tell him everything….including what my parents did to me and what these so call teenhelp academies did. I would like to be able to talk to someone…if u remember be or just looking to express yourself plz feel free to contact me…..I need some closeur.

    Reply

  12. John SCL Survivor Says:

    I would just like to say one thing…

    Staff correct that bitch

    And I hate that this place still gives me nightmares 15 years later

    Reply

  13. Joseph McQuiston Says:

    I had a hard time adjusting to the world after I came back…I believe I became worse. Much worse. In fact I am now a twice convicted felon but I am not blaming my actions on the Cove. I believe it had strong influence. I remember the first time I was in prison and people or things would trigger a memory and I would have flashbacks of all kinds and I would have to leave and people would wonder what was wrong with me. It took until about 2005 that I was able to overcome my flashbacks and now all I want is for these programs to stop existing altogether. They are mini prisons. I have now spent almost 12 years of my life in prison now and can tell you that Texas Prison was more friendly than Paradise Cove was. Any family that has a child in one of these programs needs to understand that these programs, no matter how much they promise success, will never achieve the goal they were supposedly designed to do. Remove your child from there and never do this to them again. The long term effects are devastating. This is child abuse. If you have a child in one of these programs, you are committing worse acts upon them than I care to type online. Please, get them out!

    Reply

  14. Tina Says:

    Was anyone in integrity from ’99-’00??? At spring creek lodge Montana Thompson falls??

    Reply

  15. anonymous Says:

    I did 8 months at SCL and 6 at TB back in 2004-2005. SCL was bad, but TB brought that shit to a new level. I remember the screams when I was trying to sleep. Our room was right by OP. I was pretty young too, and I still remember the day I just said fuck it. I got dropped for something and I had this realization that I just wasnt leaving till I turned 18. I spent like 3 months in OP. My answer to every question they asked me was “fuck you”. Haha I remember they were restraining me one day for hours, and Mr. Archer was standing there talking shit for some reason. I begged them to stop and they finally let up for a second. I acted like I couldnt move, and when Mr. Archer leaned in to say something I jumped up and caught him with a right hook. They beat the fuck out of me for that. I had to mop up my own sweat and blood when they were done. Totally worth it. My mom finally pulled me though. She filed for bankruptcy, thats why I got pulled. I used to take pride in the fact that I didnt break. But when I came home I realized they got to me another way. TB never sent my transcripts (I tried for years) so I was forced to retake a couple years of high school. I couldnt even function in a normal school. I remember thinking it was weird they never did pat downs for weapons. I had such bad social anxiety I dropped out. I couldnt explain it to my mom. I was so afraid of my own mother I filed for emancipation when I was 16. Still kept a weapon under my pillow till the day I turned 18. I still have the nightmares occasionally, but mostly about the kidnapping. Sorry, “escorting”. I think im pretty well adjusted now though. Im almost 26, and ive been in the Army for several years. Im actually writing this from Afghanistan. I work long hours alone, and ive been thinking about the program a lot lately. I see these websites a lot, and ive read them, but this is my first time actually saying anything. Yo in basic training, the first time a drill sergeant got in my face I almost shit my pants I was laughing at him so hard. Mother fucker had no idea. These stories are inspiring to me, because I know im not alone. You mother fuckers PUMP ME UP!

    Reply

    • anon Says:

      Hey I just wanted to say thanks for this. You sound like a tough, awesome person, and your story made me feel inspired. Hang in there and thanks for your service!

      Reply

    • Mace Says:

      13 Months at SCL (nothing compared to TB!) in 05/06–Still gave dreams of being trapped, what a wack place…. thank you for your Service. I hope for your safety and happiness!

      Reply

  16. Tamika Basson Says:

    Lies!

    Reply

  17. Monica Says:

    Still can’t forget this place –
    Dundee Ranch up til riot – then off to tranquility bay Jamaica – Jamaica was way worst than Dundee !!!!!

    Reply

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