I was 14 years old when two escorts came to my house to handcuff me and take me away while my family stood by watching. I was told prior that I was being sent to a wilderness program, and in my nativity thought it sounded fun. I was a kid that enjoyed outdoor recreational activities. This is why I didn’t fight my escorts; however, I was told I had to be handcuffed. The one man was very large and I didn’t want to struggle with him. I did find it strange and disturbed that my extended family was invited over to watch me leave. I remember no one waving or telling me goodbye when I was inside the vehicle driving away. Yet this ended up being a small loss compared to the abuse I experienced at Carlbrook. A fellow peer at SUWS of the Carolinas was sent a brochure of Carlbrook School. I remember thinking how lucky she was to have the opportunity to go to such a nice boarding school. My mom was a single parent most of my childhood and we couldn’t afford extracurricular activities, but she had newly married and this was how she could even afford SUWS. On the Carlbrook School pamphlet it described an Olympic swimming pool, equestrian program, and college prep classes. Not an ounce on my body thought I would be enrolled in that kind of school, so when I got the news I’d be attending I was actually excited. I remember considering that maybe I was truly loved by my family. I had experienced a lot of trauma already from my father’s untreated, military related PTSD. When I arrived at Carlbrook it was very emotionally scary to have my parents leave me so quickly after just arriving. I was bombarded by rules and all the rules explained why my parents had to drop me off and leave. It was very painful, and I quickly learned something wasn’t right when I was verbally attacked for having my toes painted. The time in between SUWS and Carlbrook my mom had painted my nails and suddenly I was being threatened with punishment for it. Of course, I hadn’t removed it the first time I was told because I didn’t have a bottle of polish remover. I was threatened again this time with running while cleaning the facility. We called these crews. You could get a crew or multiple crews for any small infraction. But the worst moments were during group or workshops. In these we experienced verbal abuse and psychological harm. I was labeled as a victim for not wanting to participate and they’d mock me for the abuse I experienced from my dad. At one point I had to wear a name tape labeled victim. The abuse and torture was endless. Children were always being verbally abused and we could never leave. No one could ever report it and no one ever suspected the torture we endured. We were regularly sexually humiliated. My advisor’s prognosis of me was that I’d suck sick the rest of my life because he wasn’t happy with my lack of participation. One night in a workshop I had to fight fellow peers off of my body. I don’t know how long it lasted because we never had clocks; however, it was sometimes sunrise when we were permitted to go back to our dorms. The staff wouldn’t let us stop until they were satisfied with everyone’s performance. It was exhausting, humiliating, and scary. In the same workshop mentioned, I refused to sing We Are the Champions by Queen because I didn’t like I had to fight people off of me. It wasn’t something that empowered me. I didn’t even have a choice to decide if it was the kind of treatment that I needed, and I was expected to them be proud of myself afterward. I wasn’t. I felt trapped and left for dead. After not singing the song, I was kept back from graduating when I was only 8 weeks away. I had to stay another 5 more months because I didn’t sing a song after being abused. I believe they were aware my new step dad could afford the program without financially taking a hit and they had a target on me just waiting for a reason to hold me back. I have experienced years and I mean my entire adult life, suffering silently under the weight of the abuse I experienced at Carlbrook School in Virginia. Please read Elizabeth Gilpin’s book, Stolen, to learn all the details from this cultish hell and help us get justice.
