DECLARATION UNDER PENALTY OF PERJURY PURSUANT TO 28 USCA 1746
I,Amanda Lynn Garrett Johnson declare and state as follows:
Name of Program:
Cross Creek Manor
Location of Program:
LaVerkin and Saint George Utah
Period of Internment (MM/YY to MM/YY)
03/99 to 03/00
Declarative Statement
During my stay at Cross Creek Manor I suffered experimental “processes,” brainwashing techniques, worse-than-prison like life style, traumatic events, having my voice cut off from family or controlled, and verbal abuse by staff and other girls alike. I still have nightmares to this day of the events that took place in their “program.” Many of the seminars we were forced to attend left my psyche delicate and my self esteem non-existent.
There were times I was forced to eat 75 percent of meals even though I had no eating disorder. We were forced to listen to psychiatric tapes at every meal that sometimes forced certain religious beliefs down our throats.
Sometimes we were forced to encourage prospective parents to send their children there. Just like we were forced to not reveal the truth about what really happened there or it was considered “manipulation” and we would be dropped from our “phase” or level and lose all privileges. My phone calls with my mother were all listened to and organized by a therapist. My letters were read before I could seal them in an envelope, or before I could open them.
The violent girls were not separated from the others, so I saw all sorts of horrific things. I saw girls cutting themselves and attacking each other. I saw the harsh staff “take-downs.” I was once even strangled in my sleep by another girl.
I would go days on end with out seeing the sun. They had a physical education teacher who was a recovering alcoholic and would verbally assault many of the girls. I “confronted” her the way we were taught to and she became more volatile and verbally abusive.
I think part of the worst aspect of life there was that in order to survive I had to learn to make myself two people: who they wanted me to be and who I truly was. Instead of healing from the things that caused my depression in the first place, I had to close myself off and appear “programized” in order to move up.
The seminars were scary. There were “processes” where they would make you stand on a chair in front of a room full of girls and boys and tell why you were there. If you didn’t have enough emotion, or it did not seem “real” enough everyone in the room would then rip you apart verbally. It was worse than standing naked in front of a room full of people out for blood. There was another process where you were brainwashed into believing you were on a sinking ship and you could only pick 3 people to survive, you would have to look in each person’s eyes and yell “die!” while doing a chopping motion with your hand. Telling another person you don’t think they are worthy of life is horrible and traumatic, but to be on the receiving end of a death sentence was heart breaking and life altering. If you didn’t choose yourself as one of the survivors you were torn apart verbally. While doing this traumatic seminar “process” everyone would be so completely locked in this world that they would begin to feel it was real. It took at least 30 minutes to bring everyone back out of it. They excuse these “processes” by saying they are giving troubled teens a new way to think about life, but should those teens have to grow into adults with nightmares from their days there.
There is so much more, but I have tried to forget as much as possible in order to be productive in life, but I can say with absolute certainty, that I lived in fear every day I spent there, and I would never place my child in their care.
They are so good with their propaganda my mother to this day will not listen to what really happened. I do know that when my mother called a help line for troubled teens and told that company that she had a daughter who was depressed, possibly doing drugs (which I wasn’t) and possibly suicidal (mind you this was after a car accident took away my father, step mother, and baby sister), they told her that the “boarding school” Cross Creek Manor was where they should send me, and it was the only option they thought would help me. When I asked my mother for help, I asked that she send me to someone, but I wanted to come home at night. Against my will and wishes I was locked up like a common criminal when I truly just needed a bit of guidance, a grief group, and a psychologist.
I am a 30 year old woman (and mother myself now) who lives with the memories of that place and I don’t think I will ever truly escape the terror I experienced there.
I give WWASPSurvivors permission to use this statement. I declare under penalty of perjury that the foregoing is true and correct.
Executed on(date: MM/DD/YY): 04/01/2014
