I was placed at Provo Canyon School by the state of California. I had run away from an abusive home, and had a lot of behavior problems stemming from the abuse so California decided to send me to Provo.

Some of my memories are vague, but I do remember being restrained. Plastic cuffs around my wrists attached to a cot. I remember the first time I was placed in restraint I had such horrible flashbacks from the abuse I’d suffered that I screamed at the top of my lungs for a full 4 hours. Four hours was the limit they allowed for such restraints.

I was often placed in *seclusion”, a locked bare brick cell for days. For mild infractions I’d be forced to stand for 25 minutes at a time, with a 5 minute break to sit, or use the bathroom.

I regularly saw a psychiatrist who prescribed high doses of medication. Thorazine was one. For those who don’t know Thorazine is a strong sedative medication. I was given a dose in the morning before school and before bed. It made me so sleepy I got into trouble for falling asleep in class. At one point I decided I didn’t want it. My therapist had the nurse grind it into powder, and I was forced to eat it without water.

Structure was a big deal. I’d stand in line with other students for 20-30 minutes until our line was perfect before being allowed to eat or go to the gym.
At the time I didn’t realize this was abuse. Being beaten, raped, and starved was the abuse I knew. But I still have night terrors about the school, as well as the nightmares from the abuse at home. I never sleep straight through the night. Then there are the panic attacks, and in ability to go into a crowded store.

Name:
Rachel M.

Program:
Provo Canyon School

Location:
UT, United States

Years Attended:
1990 – 1993